Sarah Jayne’s Journey

You have to love the first week of a diet.  I suppose this isn’t really a diet for me as much as just getting back on track to how I eat now.  After all, I have been doing it ‘this way’ for over two years now.  Still, I had to refocus so I will take this as week one of whatever it is - diet or not.   Like so many of you, I have been on and off diets most of my life and whenever I start a diet I nearly always drop five pounds in the first week.

So, I got on the scale this morning for my first week’s weigh in and wondering why I picked Monday’s since it means I get punished for not being great over the weekend.  Then, I remember that that is exactly why I picked Mondays because it *should* make me want to play fairly close to the rules on the weekends. If I am honest, I didn’t do fanatically well this weekend. I went for a curry with a friend and I didn’t count calories.  Still, I chose to have the mixed grill at the curry house (ie no creams, oils, etc) and I didn’t drink any booze on the night out either.  So, I am not that upset about that but I really should have counted calories on Friday  and Sunday because there was no excuse of not being the one cooking.  If I count then at least I know that if I didn’t drop any pounds I was at least playing by the rules.

I knew that I had been pretty darn good the other four days of the week.  I counted calories and worked out on our new exercise bike - which seriously kicks my butt harder than the old one that died last week.  Still, that is only slightly better than half of the week. I got on the scale anyway and the result is……*drum roll* ….231 pounds. So, this time it is the first week six but pretty much the same thing that always happens! Of course, most of that was water weight but I will take it anyway.

I am really glad to have my 75lb badge back though! So, this week’s goals are more or less the same as last week.  I know that I will have a Saturday meal out where I won’t have control of the calories.  So, I have to focus on counting the calories on Friday and Sunday too.  No room for being lazy at this stage!  I bet if I got those two extra days of calorie counting every week I would be much further down the scales.

So, now that the water weight is gone the real challenge begins.  I am on track to get back to 227 by the end of the first month so that is a good thing.  I would like to be out of the 230’s this time next week.  We shall see!

As I said in my last post, today is the day I start to take this diet super seriously again.  I have decided to be totally  honest with myself and weigh myself and honestly report where I am re-starting.  I am mega bloated at the moment (think it is approaching that time of the month but hard for me to know for sure with PCOS) and I just came back from a cruise so I knew my weight would be up.  I had considered not weighing myself for a week for these reasons but really they are excuses not to face reality.  So, I bit the bullet and stepped on the scale this morning.  My fears became reality and it said 337. So, that is 10lbs up since I last took my diet seriously.  I do know that a good chunk of that is going to be water retention but I am sick of hiding from reality. Not only did I weigh myself but I changed my weight on here to reflect it because I think it is only when I am honest with myself that I take things seriously. So, there it is for the world to see and for me to reverse.

I started the day in the right direction.  Anthony woke me up early and we took our dogs for a 30 minute or so walk around the park.  I know from experience, that if I don’t do the exercise bike first thing then I probably won’t do it at all. So, when he left, I went upstairs, put an episode of Grey’s Anatomy on and did the exercise bike for 40 minutes.  I decided that I needed to push myself so I thought that I would do 60 minutes instead of my normal 40. I got off the bike to change over to another episode and as soon as I got back on the bike something didn’t feel right.  The pedal felt loose. So, I stopped to see if I could tighten a nut or something before I continued.  I just couldn’t see where the problem was. So, I put my foot back on the pedal and started to move and suddenly the whole metal bar with the pedal on dropped off the bike!  I looked and it isn’t even a clean break. Somehow, the metal has snapped in two.  I don’ t know if I should be fairly impressed that I actually used an exercise bike ‘to death’ or to shake my fist at the diet Gods for making it even harder to get back in the diet groove.  Still, at least I did get my 40 minutes in before it died.

Now, I have to wait for Anthony to call on his break and I get to tell him I broke the bike and that we need to go get a new one.  That should be fun.

Anyway, I am not going to let it stop me from trying to get back into the groove with what I know to be the most important part of my diet - counting calories.  I just had breakfast and logged those calories at caloriecount.about.com.  I would do it here but I  have spent too long building my calorie database on that site to start again somewhere else.  I think I am going to try to aim for 1500 calories a day.  I had thought of starting it slightly higher as I ease back into things but after seeing my weight gain I think I really need to start fierce.

We have house guests in just over a month’s time and so that gives me a good target.  I want to try to get as close to being back to 227 in the month.  In my dreams, I have a huge pee fest one night and drop of ton of it simply from the water retention but we shall see.

So, for the next month my goals are:

*1500 calories a day

*40 minutes or more six days a week on the exercise bike (once it is replaced)

* No serious cheats.  Which, to me I am going to mean one ‘not overly fantastic’ meal a week. If I try to be too strict I only end up with a blowout day and destroy a week’s worth of dieting. So, one not amazingly strict meal sounds reasonable.

So..game on and let’s head back down the scale!

So, I haven’t posted in ages and I would love to say that in the time I was gone I had dropped all my weight. Truth?  I am stuck pretty much right at the same place I was when I last posted here and it really is all my own fault. I keep saying it is a plateau but it is feeling too much like an excuse and I have become lazy. So, now is the time to jump back on the wagon and get the scale moving down.

Why haven’t I been losing weight? Well, I went home to the States for a couple weeks about six months ago and it totally threw me off my normal calorie obsessed routine and instead of bouncing right back into it when I got home I flirted with things rather than took them as seriously as I should.  About the same time, I hit a period of what can only be described as depression.  I have anxiety attacks now and then and for some reason in about January I got set deep into a period of anxiety and I finally went to the doctor and asked for help.  She put me on antidepressants which actually have helped to get me back to feeling a bit more normal.  However, they also had ‘weight gain’ as a side effect.

My doctor reckons I have done well to stay pretty much at the same weight as when I went on them but I know in the deepest part of me that I have been lazy. I am starting the process of coming off of the pills and even though the withdrawl symptoms can be rough, I think now is the time to really kick myself up the backside.

My sister is pregnant and due to give birth in late January which means that I will have another trip back to the States at the same time.  I seriously want to go back home actually having more weight loss to show rather than being in the same place I was the last time they saw me. Plus, I would like my first niece of nephew to know me as chubby aunt and not as a gigantic aunt.   Yup, now is the time to dust myself off.

My inlaws are staying with us until Sunday. Monday, I become a calorie obsessive again.  I just have to do it.

I just got back from my monthly weigh in at the nurse’s office and I now weigh…..*drum roll please*

227 pounds! That is a 5 pound loss in the past month.  I figure anything more than a pound a week is to be considered a good month and especially when I had a few days of eating total rubbish at the parties we had in the month.

I have no clue at all when the last time I weighed anywhere in the 220 but it had to be in my early teens or late pre-teens.  I wonder what my body thinks is happening to it..lol

The nurse also said today that she is going to keep me on Xenical until the company notices I have been on longer than the initial two years and tells me to come off of it.  Again, I have no idea how much the Xenical is actually doing these days since I am counting calories on my own and eating such low levels of fat daily but I will take what I can get for as long as I can get it!

So, this means I have two pounds to go between now and my wedding on the 19th to be at the 225 pounds I wanted to be at so that if I gained any weight on the honeymoon it wouldn’t be likely to take me back into the 230’s.  I should be able to do that unless I really get dumb.

That said…pizza night tonight as my last ‘cheat’ before the wedding!

Okay so I have really fallen behind on posting here and need to jump back in and try to get back into the mindset of daily accountability.  I haven’t had an official weigh in since my last post so I don’t know how much (if anything) I have lost.  The next weigh in at the nurse is Friday so I will find out soon.

In  the last month I haven’t been all *that* bad but I don’t think I have been all that good either.  Anthony and myself have kept up going for our morning hour or so walk on most weekdays and that has been a good thing to keep us moving.  We did host two parties though (Eurovision and a joint bachelor/bachlorette party) and that meant a lot of party food and not really counting calories for days at a time. So, I am hoping the weighin isn’t too bad.

My goal between now and the wedding - which is on July 19th - is to try to be about 225lbs or bellow.  The reason is because I know that on the honeymoon we will not be eating fantastically (though, I am not going to go out of my way to eat horribly either) and I would like to drop enough that even if I gain a few pounds over that period that I am still in the 220’s on our return.   Having not been weighed this month I have no idea how close I am to that already but we shall see on Friday.

Anyway, my challenge I am setting to myself is to have no ‘cheats’ until we get married on the 19th of July.  Now, the reason I am saying ‘cheats’ is because on my weigh in day I always allow myself a takeaway meal and that is suppose to be the only really bad meal I have that month (doesn’t always work out that way but it is the aim).  So, this Friday we shall be having a much longed for pizza.  So, other than that I want to go to the 19th without eating any rubbish and I want to make sure that I have counted my calories on the vast majority of those days.  Not only should this help me drop some weight and hopefully reach the 225 goal for the wedding but also it should help to make sure my skin and hair look as good as they can for the day.  Plus, you just feel better and more energetic after a long stint of eating well and exercising (if only we could remember that as well as we can remember how good chocolate tastes).

So, that is the challenge..let’s see how it pans out.

I just got back from my monthly weigh in at the nurse’s office.  I am pleased to report that I lost 5 pounds this month which takes me down to 232 pounds.  I am pleased with that sort of rate of loss and I know I earned it because with exception of a few days I counted calories everyday and exercised to some degree (usually a 45 minute walk in the morning rather than my exercise bike because the weather has been really nice) most mornings.  So, I shouldn’t be all that shocked but you know how it goes because sometimes you can do everything right and still not drop an ounce.

Next month is probably my last month of being issued a xenical prescription and I have been really worried about that even though I know at this stage I am eating so well that it really isn’t the reason for my loss.  What I have been worried about is not having the structure of the monthly weigh in because I think that has had more to do with keeping me in check than the medication.  So, I talked to the nurse today and the good news is that even when I stop the xenical they are still going to let me part of the weight loss clinic and come in and get weighed every month.  I think that will be really important for me.

Looking ahead, I would really like to see myself in the 220’s next month.  I honestly can’t remember the last time I was in that weight range but I bet I was around 13 years old or younger.

For the past two days Anthony’s dad has been staying with us.  He has very kindly come down on the train to help us fix our shower that broke last week.  It is a very nice thing of him to do especially as he is 70 years old (but a young 70, if you know what I mean) and I am very grateful to him.  The only problem for me is that every time we have house guests I really start to stress inside about calories.

You may have been able to tell from the posts that I have made so far that I am a bit obsessive about counting calories.  It isn’t fun but I need to do it and I know that if I let myself slack off too much then my weight loss stalls.

However, as soon as there is more than myself and Anthony to cook for I just give up counting what goes into the meals I cook.  I don’t fully know what my problem is because it is just a matter of dividing the calories that go into the meal by how many people are eating.  I do that every single night when I cook for two so doing it by three or four really shouldn’t be any more difficult yet I don’t.

I think perhaps it is an embarrassment thing.  Nobody I know well enough to stay at my home is going to be critical of me for writing down everything I put into a meal and counting up calories but yet in some way it almost feels like a private activity that shouldn’t be seen by others.  Not at all rational, I know.
Then there is the fact that the food I am making most of time these days isn’t that kind of food most people eat.  For example, my (soon to be) father in law wouldn’t know what to do with a vegetarian stew if put it in front of him.  So, I think I go to pains to not put people in the position of eating something they might not like rather than worry about my own weight loss.

In actuality I don’t think I am doing that badly.  I made a fairly low fat chicken dish with rice yesterday and I will be making a chilli con carne  tonight that will be as low fat as I can possibly make it and still make it taste okay.  It is just that because I am not counting those calories at the evening meal I just give up on it for the rest of the day.  I am not eating badly for those other meals.  In fact, I am pretty much eating the exact same things but I just hate that I let myself ‘guess’ for two days about my calories rather than just put my weight loss first and pleasing people second.

Today is election day in London where we are voting for our mayor. There are also local elections around the whole of the country but in my neck of the woods the London Mayor race really is the only one getting proper attention. I am a bit (okay a lot of) of a politics nut and I never miss the chance to vote (in two countries, actually).

It was seriously pouring down with rain all day so no matter what time of day I went it was going to be a wet walk to the polling station. I put it off as long as I could but eventually I went out and of course came back cold and wet. So, I wanted to do something warming and filling for our meal tonight.

I was pretty good for my first two meals of the day with cereal and a salad as normal and I wanted to keep on track even though I wanted something comforting. So, I reached for one of my new favourite foods - pearl barley.

I never cooked pearl barley until about a year ago when I decided to try it and now we usually have it in some form once a week. It is really cheap and very filling which is a great combo for anybody and it is even better for those of us watching what we eat because it is very low fat and is a slow burning carb such as that which is good for diabetics and those of us on Low GI plans.

This is the barley dish I came up with tonight. I am a spice wimp and so I used mild chili powder but if you like things hotter use a hotter powder.

Spicy Tomato and Bean Barley Bake - Serves 4

Ingredients:

1 onion, chopped
1 cup carrot, sliced medium thickness
1 cup celery, chopped
1 1/4 cups mushroom, sliced
1 cup pearl barley
1 (15 ounce) can pinto beans, drained
5 cups V8 vegetable juice
1 1/2 tablespoons garlic powder
2 tablespoons mild chili powder
2 1/2 ounces fat free sharp cheddar cheese, shredded

Directions:

Preheat your oven to 425 degrees.

Use an oven proof dish casserole or pot that can also be used on the stovetop and put over a medium heat on the stove.

Once the pot is hot spray with some non-stick cooking spray or use a bit of oil if you wish and put the onions in and fry off for about 5 minutes until they are going soft.

Add the carrots, celery and mushrooms and continue to cook for another 5 minutes, stirring often.

Add the pearl barley and the pinto beans and stir through for 2 minutes.

Add the V8, garlic powder and chili powder and stir to make sure everything is well combined.

Cover and put into the oven and cook for about 1 hour and 15 minutes. Keep checking it now and then to make sure it isn’t going dry. It is done when the barley is tender and most of the juices are absorbed.

Take out of the oven and dish out onto serving plates or bowls and then divide the cheese between the dishes and sprinkle on top. Serve.

My next weigh in is in 12 days so I am really going to try to eat as little meat as possible between now and then. I know I will have two days next week when I will have to as we have a house guest but other than that I am going to aim for as many meatless meals as possible such as this one.

This morning when the alarm went off to wake myself and Anthony up to go for our morning walk we both grumbled and hit snooze.  Anthony went back to sleep to catch and extra hour of sleep before having to leave for work.  I stayed in bed for a few moments and then even though I was still really tired something in me made me get up.  I went to the room next door and got on the exercise bike and did 40 minutes while Anthony caught up his (not needed) beauty sleep.  With the help of two episodes of My Name Is Earl  I managed to burn about 400 calories (if I believe the website I use to estimate calorie burn) when I could have been sleeping.

When Anthony woke up he came into the exercise room and mumbled about how he really should have gone for a walk but was too tired. Then he commented that what he needed to do  was stay consistent.  I have been thinking about that throw away comment of his now and then throughout the day.  He is exactly right.  Rather than stressing about every single calorie taken in or burned the thing that is probably most effective in my weight loss is staying consistent.  It doesn’t matter that much if I eat 1500 or 1600 calories in any given day as much as it matters that over a long period I am continually in that range. If I do that then the odd ‘mistake’ will be forgiven by my body.

I think that may have been what my inner dieting coach was telling me when it kicked me out of bed and put me on the exercise bike.

Other than that today was pretty good food wise.   I had my usual high fibre cereal with skim milk and fruit for breakfast, a big salad for lunch and a vegetable and bean chilli w/ steamed greens on the side for my evening meal with a low fat ice cream afterwards.  All of which came to 1585 calories.   I managed to cut down on my salad dressing calories (and fat) today by using very low fat fromage frais (like a creamier cottage cheese) instead of a creamy salad dressing and just mixed in some fat free dressing with it and it went a long way.

I suppose the weekend wasn’t all that bad. I didn’t count calories on Sunday and treated myself to an ice cream cone and that did make me feel guilty to a degree but it was the only really ‘bad’ thing that I had eaten all week. Still, the most important thing following a day when I haven’t counted calories is to get right back into counting them the next day because one lazy day breeds very quickly with me.

So, today I am proud enough that I managed to get myself right back on track. I find that if I don’t start the week doing things correctly then I am less likely to have a good week.

Anthony woke me up at 7am and asked if I wanted to go for a walk. I work from home and I don’t start until 9am so I usually am still asleep when he leaves but then get up at 8am and do some time on the exercise bike. Since he asked though, I got up with him and we went on a walk that lasted about 50 minutes. I would have done more calories on 40 minutes of the bike but I would happily give up burning a few calories to get 50 minutes of chatting with him as we walk. Even if it does mean getting up early…I think.

I ate pretty well too. I had cereal with skim milk for breakfast with two mandrian oranges on the side. Then I had a salad with a little bit of low fat ham and cheese on top and a fat free dressing for lunch. I have been having more meat that I generally like to have lately. So, I went for a meatless evening meal tonight and made ‘Moroccan spaghetti’. All of which left me with the total of 1,464 calories for the day. Hopefully that goes some way for making up for that ice cream yesterday.

For those of you on the look out for low fat recipes, here is the one for the meal we had tonight. It was a very low fat meal and it is really good for those of us that have insulin issues or follow low GI plans because all of the carbs in it are slow burning and low gi. You don’t have to use the whole wheat pasta but I do because it is really packed with fiber and as much as it is a bit gross, fibre is what both fills us up and helps to get rid of the fat.

Moroccan Spaghetti - serves 4

Ingredients:

11 ounces whole wheat spaghetti
1 red onion, chopped finely
3 garlic clove, crushed
1 cup mushroom, sliced
28 ounces chopped tomato, from a can
2 teaspoons cinnamon
2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 teaspoon turmeric
1 pinch salt
1 pinch black pepper
10 ounces chickpeas, from a can, drained and rinsed
3/4 cup fresh parsley, roughly chopped
3/4 cup fresh cilantro, roughly chopped

Directions:

Put spaghetti in a large pot of boiling water and cook as long as the packet suggests. Mine takes 10 minutes.

Meanwhile, heat a non-stick pan and spray with low fat cooking spray.

Add the onions, garlic and mushrooms and sautee until they start to get soft which was about 5 minutes for me. If they start to stick just put in a splash of water. This is a good way to ‘fry’ things without fat.

Add the tomatoes, cinnamon, cumin, turmeric and salt and pepper and lightly simmer for about 8 minutes stirring frequently.

Stir in the chickpeas and heat just long enough to cook through, about 3 minutes.

Stir in the fresh herbs and just mix through until they start to wilt.

Add in cooked spaghetti and stir to make sure all of the pasta is coated in the sauce.

Serve.

For anybody that is looking for more low fat recipes, Recipezaar is a really good place to exchange them. My profile page is here but there are a lot of low fat / low calorie cooks there too.